|Photo credit: martinak15|
I don't love you."
That's how I started my latest letter to my future husband. (I hope he has a good shock when he reads it. That would be funny. :P)
It's OK, I'm really not as heartless as this might seem. I clarified that I didn't mean I didn't love him 'now' as in when he reads it, but 'now' as in as I write it.
You see, I recently read a great blog post. It was a young woman's letter to her future husband. And in it, she professes multiple times that she loves him already. (Which, as you continue to read, please note that I do not wish to discredit this in the slightest.) "Aww," I thought, "that's so sweet an romantic. I should write something like that."
But something deep inside me squirmed at the idea. And I realised, it's because I cannot say with honesty "I love you now" to my future husband.
Not if you define love how I define love. To me, love is sacrificial. It's selfless. It's Christ-like. It's humble. It will seek the good of my future husband. And none of that describes me well right now. I'm selfish. I hate sacrifice. I have a long way to go with being Christ-like. I'm ridiculously prideful. Yes, I'm saving myself for my future husband, but if I can't seek the good of my family and friends, what makes me think I'd seek his good continually? Do I love him now? No way.
But I'm getting there. This isn't the end. The story still goes on. I'm learning. Always will be. And God willing, by the time a guy reads those letters, I will be able to say "yes, I love you."
P.S. Yes, I am well aware that God's plan for me might be singleness. I am not taking for granted that I will have a husband. But if I do get married, I think these letters will be very special.