I don't love you."
That's how I started my latest letter to my future husband. (I hope he has a good shock when he reads it. That would be funny. :P)
It's OK, I'm really not as heartless as this might seem. I clarified that I didn't mean I didn't love him 'now' as in when he reads it, but 'now' as in as I write it.
You see, I recently read a great blog post. It was a young woman's letter to her future husband. And in it, she professes multiple times that she loves him already. (Which, as you continue to read, please note that I do not wish to discredit this in the slightest.) "Aww," I thought, "that's so sweet an romantic. I should write something like that."
But something deep inside me squirmed at the idea. And I realised, it's because I cannot say with honesty "I love you now" to my future husband.
Not if you define love how I define love. To me, love is sacrificial. It's selfless. It's Christ-like. It's humble. It will seek the good of my future husband. And none of that describes me well right now. I'm selfish. I hate sacrifice. I have a long way to go with being Christ-like. I'm ridiculously prideful. Yes, I'm saving myself for my future husband, but if I can't seek the good of my family and friends, what makes me think I'd seek his good continually? Do I love him now? No way.
But I'm getting there. This isn't the end. The story still goes on. I'm learning. Always will be. And God willing, by the time a guy reads those letters, I will be able to say "yes, I love you."
Cassie xoxoxo
P.S. Yes, I am well aware that God's plan for me might be singleness. I am not taking for granted that I will have a husband. But if I do get married, I think these letters will be very special.
Hello cassie. So good to know you through your profile on the blogger and the blog post. I am glad to stop by your blog post and know your love for God and desire to serve God and to be purely His. I am in the Pastoral ministry for last 37yrs in the great city of Mumbai a city with great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reach out to the poorest of poor with the l love of Christ to bring healing to the broken hearted. We also encourage young and the adults from the west to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. We would love to have you come to Mumbai with your friends to work with us during your vacation time. I am sure you will have a life changing experience. My email id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankede. Looking forward to hear from you very soon. God's richest blessings on you.
ReplyDeleteHello Diwakar! Thanks for stopping by! The work you're doing sounds awesome. If you'd like you contact me, my email address is in the Contacts page in the sidebar (or here: http://purelyhis-bringinghimglory.blogspot.com.au/p/contact-me.html). Thanks again!
DeleteGreat post, Cassie. I appreciate your honesty in sharing about your quest to be loving in the everyday things, not just the dramatic and romantic parts.
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